Derainya hujan,
kelabunya awan,
sekeliling tak
tunjang perasaan, hati nan gelisah akan

satu sangkalan
yang engkau ucapkan.
Teguh dan yakin
terlempar bak sauh, jauh dari keyakinan.

yang kau bilang.
Ah, luluh lantak aku.

Aku teringat saat bahagia adalah kita. Cengkrama.
Itu apa?
Itu khayal.
Itu bayang yang

kemarin masih,
kemarin hidup,
kemarin ada,
kemarin nyala.

Apa aku harus lupa akan kita?

Kemarin cerah,
kemarin ceria.

Apa aku harus lupa akan semua?

Kemarin tawa,
kemarin tiada.

Apa aku harus bakar tanda mata, apa aku harus rendam tenggelam kisah yang ditutup dengan kelam?

Jalanan tak juga menyepi burung gereja berkicau tanpa henti.

Kita bertolak.
Tak toleh belakang.
Kau naik k’reta
dan aku berjalan, sampai datang kesunyian.

Canda semesta ke manusia.

Suatu hari…


Pelangi ­­­­­­–

di mana beruang berperosot

ke bak bijih besi

sambil bernyanyi —


cepat-cepat pergi

ketika matahari menyerobot

dan gerimis berhenti.

Sementara aku berdiri,


berdiri melihat semua hal-hal absurd ini yang aku tak tahu apa nyata apa maya apa mimpi.



Jakarta 6 September 2016

Beruang dan Pelangi (Lostgirl Deviantart)

The first time I went to Europe, it was Malpensa Airport. 2011. But after that the journey took me and my friends to Perugia, so we didn’t stop in Milan. We visited Milan the day before we had to fly again back home. It was nice going around Piazza Duomo and Galeria.

I made a stop in Milan, back in 2014. It was short and confusing: I was in a bus and it was a stopover to Rome. I knew no one, no one spoke English, no ticket counter open, and I had to survive alone.

The third time, I met someone here who I met on the internet. We talked everyday and never spent any day without talking to each other. He was, and still is, my support to live my daily life. We had a great time strolling around Milan. Mid March 2016. Only for a day.

Now I’m in Milan again. Doing thesis. I met him also yesterday, for only a short time. We bid goodbye in S. Ambrogio metro station: an awkward romcom-drama thing. Milan was rainy. We broke up. (The day after I’m still here because my flight is still tonight and I need to still do my thesis.)


(In the hotel, I found a map of Milan and found the great museums. I need to come back here. Someday. Visit the city the way I visit others. Look at the culture, look at the history, and everything. For Milan itself. I know I will.


Because Milan is the city I keep coming back to.)

Yippi! Sumpah gue boros banget akhir2 ini. Beli macem2. Earphone lah. Webcam lah. Buku lah. Semua aja dibeli. Hahaha.

Satu deh nih yang barusan gue beli. Mikrofon. Udah niat dari jaman masih jadi penyiar Radio PPI Belanda, pengen beli USB mic. Berikut penampakannya.


[suddenly switch to English]

I bought this microphone from, around 58 euro I guess. The voice setting isn’t omnidirectional; it can only capture voice from in front of the mic. Entry level mic. As good as my previous laptop’s mic, I guess. Not that good. But it’s the best I can find with my budget lol. I didn’t buy pop filter also… so I’m looking forward to make a DIY pop filter. And btw I need to make the mic a bit far… If not my voice will go beyond the freq range and give the buzzing sound.

Wanna hear the sound test? Listen to my cover below 😛 😛 😛

Note: I used a sock for popfilter *abal-abal*, and used Audacity for mixing & editing. I only amplified some parts and did reverbs (small bright room settings), WITHOUT NOISE REMOVAL omg lol. Oh and btw I noticed my clock could be heard if I didn’t put it somewhere else.. So for now my wall clock is *safe and sound* under my blanket.

Meanwhile this is the UNEDITED one (no noise reduction, no reverb, no amplification, etc. recorded in my room)

As you all may have already known, I’ve been using English as my main language for these two years already (1. Because I don’t speak Dutch – ok I know I didn’t try hard enough to learn 2. Because anyway I mainly talk to non-Dutch people who don’t speak Dutch).

Now I want to talk about chats with my crush. Belongs to the second category.

As you all may have already known (again), my English isn’t that good. I can properly do it in a passive way (listening and reading 8 in IELTS) but improperly in an active way (writing and speaking 6,5). Hihi. I am able to hold a daily conversation anyway. Writing… that’s bad. My papers were constantly being criticized by the professors… Or had to undergone a massive edit from my Dutch friend who happened to be so good with English (yep, nearly all Dutch people can speak English well). Oh and my latest writing was heavily edited by my Australian friend =)).

About daily conversation…..

I chat that Italian crush everyday. Sometimes I also talk, but mainly it’s skype/whatsapp chat. With online chat, you can see your language errors. Ha. Oops. But, what’s relieving is that he doesn’t really speak better than me – we’re about the same level. So I don’t have to worry over grammars and word choices and everything! And he doesn’t either. One of his latest phrase was “High it!”

So the convo went like this.
R/ Cold :/ I think because I already set my heater for those 15-18 degrees and it’s 6 now
F/ Ehehe. High it!
R/ Oh God. Hahaha. I really laugh at our language phenomenon. When you use high as a verb.
F/ I knew it was wrong haha
R/ We’re both non-native speaker. So we feel comfortable to say whatever
F/ Haha yea

(Ok btw I need to “high it” now. So cold!!)

(Oh and “high” can be an adjective, an adverb, or a noun. But not verb.)

So basically, for us, language is a survival tool. Hihi. Another phenomenon that I observed is that since I am so bad in English vocabulary (yep, Idk the meaning of “demise” or “brashness” until I Google-translated it) is that if he wants to say a word which he can’t translate to English, I ask him to say the Italian word instead, then I will wiki the word or Google-image the word. E.g. Burrone. When I saw the images…. I don’t even know what is the translation to Indonesia. Jurang I guess? Hahaha.

(If you can make “Google Translate”, “Wiki”, and “Google Image” a verb, why can’t “high” be a verb?)

One more thing! Ok this is the last. Lol. Since there are a lot of words in Italian which resemble (or has the same root with) English, he’d use that lookalike English word. One example that he repeat a lot is “instruction”. I think the general Italian term for education (in school?) is “istruzione”.. That’s why he said something like “the role of our parents in our instruction decisions”. Ha. You mean education. I mean, yes, instruction can also mean the process or teaching or education… But um nah you should’ve said “education” instead I guess. Hihi.

But anyway, his Italian-English language also opened a window to Italian language to me. E.g. sometimes he doesn’t use a subject in a sentence. Later, in Duolingo I realized that in Italian you don’t say the subject in a sentence, the verb itself already indicates the subject.


(What is more fun is when you chat with the Australian friend Naomi, but that’s for another occasion!)

What should you do if there is a paintguy in your apartment, about to paint the front door and window frames?

It’s been 2 months since my apartment building first had its renovation work. It’s everywhere… Basically they try to make this a new building (facade level?). Um I mean… New paints. New floor. New key & intercomm. Everything. Lol. There has been paint guys and renovation-work guys outside my room on working hours.

This morning, 8am, one of them rang my apartment’s bell. He said he’d do the door and window frames paint. Okeh. But what should I do? What should I offer him? Hahaha. Back then my mom used to offer (not offer. Give.) hot tea and food (snacks) to them. What about the norms here?? Should I offer him breakfast?? It was 8am in the morning!! But idk if he’s ok with my random martabak pancake. Ok so what??

So I didn’t offer him the martabak pancake. I offered him coffee instead. Lol. Hope he’s ok with that. I’ sorry that he had to wake up in the morning and start working at 8 in this 12deg C weather (it was even lower this morning….). I’m sorry Mr Paintguy, I didn’t offer you my Martabak Pancake…

(on other thought: since I didn’t have any other mugs, I used my usual transparent glass mug for his coffee. Lol I need to wash it first :))) i don’t think it’d happen at home in Indonesia though, since moms usually have all glasses and mugs and cups for every purpose. For tukangs like him moms usually use the most simple glass.. Not the one the family usually use)

A few days ago I bought Symphonized NRG via eBay ($25price +$5delivery).


Cute, right. Notice the woods and the color. Heavy on bass. It took sometime to get used to the sound… I was used to Sennheiser CX200 which has a clearer, brighter sound.

Too bad, the mic sometimes doesn’t work on my laptop (ThinkPad X220 running Win7) and never works on my my cellphone (Xperia C).

It worked on Samsung phones and my iPad, though.

Anyway. I emailed them and they said they’d replace thr unit if I send them this “damaged” unit. Nah, I don’t want to spend €18 to send to New York…. And I found that some people were having trouble with earphone compatibility in Xperia. Itmight be Sony’s problem — I don’t want to spend money to send them and receive the same result.

So I’m keeping this. Lol.

So I bought a pancake mix a few days ago. First time I bought something like that! Here here —-


Pannenkoeken Mix, bought in Jumbo

And then I thought — why not trying to make a martabak pancake? Sooooo I’d cook that martabak-style, despite using a pancake mix. Yep I decided to try. Hihi. I added halfvolle milk to the bottle.. And then I should shake it (I guess). But nah, it wont mix, so.I used a knife to stir it -_-“. Here’s how it looks like in my 28cm pan.


Before flipping over

Ha. Since this is a pancake mix, I can’t do that martabak style (1-surface). I have to flip that over.


After flipover

Not bad.

Add margarine… Sugar… Cheese… Condensed milk… And then fold that. YAY. Voila. Martabak Pancake, Rosalian style. Yum.


Martabak pancake yippi